Another Winter's End

It’s about that time of year again where the weather gets funky cuz the seasons are changing (cept in Houston the weather is bi-polar and never really decided to get cold this year but it’s still a reasonable change). This time of year reminds me about how I’m getting older every day and how life seems to just flash by me. It felt like only yesterday that it was this time last year and I and my friend Az (who is a female) were in the middle of a tragic love pentagon. Yea I said it, pentagon.

Basically this is what happened Me and Az were friends right? So we held up to the bottom of the pentagon while Az liked guy A and B (who were best friends and liked her back) held up the points. And right in the middle of the pentagon was my love, Ivy, who was in a relationship with guy A. Now with this said it got pretty interesting. Me and Az played mental chess with guys A and B figuring if we can get one to commit to saying that they liked her then the pentagon would fall and thus we both would get what we wanted. I would get ivy and she would get whichever guy liked her enough to commit.

Months went by and it felt like we were actually making progress to achieving our goal. It was a grueling process. One step forward could turn into 2 steps back which in turn could turn into 5 steps forward and so on and so on. Eventually though we started getting desperate. We played the game out of desperation realizing that unless something drastic happened there wouldn’t be a reason to keep the game going any longer. The Friday before spring break we got our break. Ivy buckled and dumped guy A during lunch the Friday before spring break.

Me and Az agreed that if we couldn’t achieve what we wanted before the end of spring break then we would stop this madness and give up. Our cell phones in hand we were determined to court our desirable loves. Hours and hours we spent instead of enjoying our break trying to keep in touch with them at all cost without seeming stalker-ish or none of that. We got to about Thursday or Friday without any problems. Then I guess they figured out what happened and decided to just not txt us back for Saturday and Sunday.

Monday we knew we were doomed. Before the day was over the happy couple was back together and we were effectively back at square one. Game over. No true love prevailing happy ending for this side, no Disney ending, no overly romantic dramatic conclusion which the good guys win, just a box of tissues to clean up your broken heart and a cold dark room to think in.

I look back on those days and I see a few things about myself that scare me. One of which is my enduring purist of happiness and my commitment to it. My eyes were set on an un-obtainable prize and to this day when I see that I wish somewhere deep inside me that something could have been different so that I could come out victorious with the girl of my dreams. Another thing that pops out at me is the unbelievable emotional destruction that followed those months. Because I was so focused trying to get her I didn’t give up and I kept trying and trying until I reached a breaking point were my unimaginable emotional pain exploded into me. I took my anger out on everything and even myself. I went to go play basketball the same day and really fucked up my ankle. I sprained it so bad that the doctor thought it was a break. The following 2 weeks I spent on crutches angry at the world and then after that I was numb, just numb to everything.

Then I did things I regret like date this chick cuz it was convenient and played and messed around with her cuz it was there and blah blah blah. Honestly I don’t even remember her until someone brings her up and thin I get mad at myself when they do. If everyone is entitled to make mistakes, can we just say that she was my mistake and get it over with?

Even today my emotional destruction is evident and there but I don’t want to exactly tell why because its treading on thin ice subjects that I’m not exactly at liberty to discuss. It’s funny tho, every time I’m out side and a cold breeze hits me especially around the last 2 weeks I’m taken back to last year in a flash. I guess it’s just that time of year again

HEY GUYS!!! ITS STORY TIMEEEE

WELCOME BACK TO MY BLOG! Hi guys I missed ya. I have a lot of free time on my hands now and I figure if I am being productive in some sort of way while these countless hours in this class pass by that not only will I not get in so much trouble like I have been in the last couple of weeks but I will also get better at writing. Supposedly I am moving classes and stuff but I haven’t seen the paperwork so I can’t say that it’s going to happen. In the mean time I need something to do that won’t have me in the office every other week for no reason.

So here I am and this is it. I’ll write up again on my blog like I used to about two years ago. Each time I’m in this class ill just pull up a word doc and just go to work on what’s on my mind. Not only will it help me become a better writer but it will help me blow off some steam like I kinda need to sometimes.

FOR EXAMPLE: The other day I was sitting here in my seat actually doing work towards my Eagle Scout rank which I will have by the end of the week when the school s administrator came and pulled me out of class. Back track here a few hours to when I was sitting in the same seat in a different class period. Here I was doing my work like I usually do and trying to do an especially good job with this particular assignment. The class was supposed to do a short editing assignment and at the end of said assignment give the teacher a one slide evaluation. When we were given the assignment me and some other students asked if there was anything we needed to talk about or any criteria or anything or blah blah blah. She said just evaluate her and I took this as an opportunity to tell her some of the things that I thought were wrong with the way she teaches.

Of course this is never a good idea. EVER. But in my perfect world what I expected was after I sent in my assignment then a dialogue would be started between each student and the teacher about what we critiqued her on and why we said the things we did. Maybe come to an agreement between us or something. God I was wrong.

Fast forward now to the office of the school administrator where I sat patiently waiting to hear what I had been summoned for. Usually when I am in the office I don’t expect the worse or that I am going to get in trouble. There I sat, listening attentively, eyes on the administrator, smile on my face… you know the usual behavior that I use when talking to adults respectively. She sits down at her desk and says that my teacher had called for her after I said some very disrespectful remarks to her in my assignment. Then and there my eyes went wide. I could feel the pupils shrink in each eye and the fight or flight since kick in. I concentrated to keep myself under control while I asked all the right questions trying to get to the bottom of this myself.

I didn’t understand. How can I get in trouble for saying what I did? My whole body went numb for a few seconds as I realized what had happened. In my attempt to try and make our already strained relationship a little better I had thrown another monkey wrench in the machine.

Let’s pause here momentarily to explain something. Me and my teacher aren’t on the same page. We never were and now I don’t believe that we will be. Last semester she had that one class that I didn’t care for and used as an off/catch up period. Now I have her 4 times on my schedule and one of those classes doesn’t even technically exist. The week before I had had a nice talk with her about how me and her had our differences and how I was hoping to work past them

Back in the office I held back tears and grabbed my knees to try and refocus myself. The admistrator told me my punishment; a in school suspension. The words echoed and shook the room around me. I looked down at the front of the desk as the administrator took her shots at me. “I thought you were a better student than this. Was I wrong about you?” yea paint me as a criminal why don’t you. I didn’t respond to her spin logic comments and I sat there trying to find my balance as I felt week in my set. She let me go but not after she ran out of degrading comments like that one. I don’t remember the rest of them.

Moral of the story? Never tell your teacher (or boss) what they are doing wrong, ever. Even if they ask you to. It’s not worth it and it never gets anything accomplished. Just give them a satisfactory grade and get it over with. I would tell you guys what I got in trouble for but I’m already sounding like a winey bitch; p soooooo I rather not. The point is that even if what I said was appropriate by my standards or your standards or anyone else standards if it’s deemed inappropriate then none of that matters. You’re screwed. So just don’t do it.




So yea im back to writing on this blog again guys  ill add lyrics and stuff later and hopefully soon ill put my self made podcast up on here too. I got a lot of new ideas and some free time to do them in :D spread the word its gonna be epic!!!